


sick of losing soulmates

by Lo Turner-Kane (doujinbag)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Apologies, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 10:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13188285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinbag/pseuds/Lo%20Turner-Kane
Summary: It's been months since Poe left him, and Finn just wants to know why. He might also still be miserably in love no matter what he tells himself.





	sick of losing soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first finnpoe/star wars in general fic so i'm sosososo sorry in advance about uhhh just everything lmao let me die
> 
> title from the dodie song! idk i thought it vaguely fit lol

Finn’s not good at making coffee. This is his second attempt at making a pot since getting out of bed this morning, and again, he’s left with burnt coffee to scrape out of the bottom of the pot. Maybe he should stop getting distracted while waiting for his coffee to brew. Maybe he should finally invest in a Keurig. Maybe he should just fucking let go of his caffeine addiction.

Yeah, scratch that last one. That’s not going to happen for a while.

He begrudgingly gets dressed, splashes some cold water on his face, and ignores the bags forming under his eyes. He’s too young to look this exhausted, he knows, but a lot happens to you when you’re broken up with at the start of your last year of college. He wraps a scarf around his neck and searches for his coat before leaving, but it doesn’t show a sign of turning up anywhere any time soon. He must have left it at Rey’s by accident.

Already shivering, he braves his way through the fluttery snow to get to the café at the end of his street. He’s been a regular since he first moved into his dorm his first year, and Maz, the short owner always standing behind the counter, doesn’t even need to ask him his order anymore. When he enters, freezing and slightly damp, Maz squints behind the large glasses on her face but immediately yells, “Tall caramel latté with extra syrup - stat, Rose!” The barista quickly begins whipping up Finn’s drink as he approaches the counter and gets his wallet out of his pocket, only to be stopped by Maz.

“Don’t worry about it today, kid,” she says. “What in the world are you doing without your coat? It’s seventeen degrees out there. Training to be a snowman?”

Finn gives a brief laugh, cut short by his teeth chattering together. “I think I left my coat at Rey’s when I was hanging out with her yesterday. I’ve gotta get it back from her today, I guess.”

Rose slides Finn’s drink across the counter and raises her eyebrow. “Rey?” she asks softly. “How’s she doing?”

“Good as always.”

“And her girlfriend…?”

“She still doesn’t have one, you lame lesbian,” Finn says, laughing. He takes the drink in his hands and gives a silent thanks to whoever invented drinking hot coffee. “Next time I bring her in here with me, you should just ask her out.”

Rose’s cheeks go as red as the flower she’s named after and she ducks away into the back room quietly. Maz rolls her eyes before redirecting her focus to Finn. “How are you holding up, kiddo?”

“I’m okay.”

“Learn to lie better.”

Finn sighs and walks away from the counter, to the table closest to it. He pulls out a chair and slumps down into it tiredly. “Is it not pathetic to still feel like shit when it’s been four months?”

“You were together since your first year. Not pathetic at all.”

The latté is tasting really good right now. Finn doesn’t care that it’s still probably a little too hot for him right now; he’s freezing and reluctant to talk. A quiet glare from Maz lets him know he’s not allowed to shut up just yet, though. “I just wish I understood. I think I’d be doing a lot better if I wasn’t left with a million questions. I wish I could just see him again, one last time, to ask him why – “

And, as if by some sadistic move from the universe, the door to the café opens. Maz stands up a bit straighter, an aura of defense settling around her body. Finn turns his head to see the incoming patron, instantly regretting both his head turn and his rhetorical wish.

There, with his brown leather jacket sitting on top of his orange sweater and crystalline snowflakes still holding their shape in his hair, is Poe. Poe, whose favorite coffee shop is the one across town. Poe, whose jawline once invited more kisses from Finn’s lips than could be counted. Poe, whose cat warmed up to Finn faster than he had to anyone else before.

Poe, who broke Finn’s heart just before the semester began.

“One black coffee,” he says with such cool nonchalance that Finn wants to rip his own ears off. When they were still together, Poe always ordered a large Americano. _One black coffee my ass,_ Finn thought to himself. Maybe the breakup had turned Poe’s tastebuds bitter, too. He was apparently good at doing that to everything else.

Maz makes Poe’s drink herself, Rose still hiding out in the kitchen. As he pays and takes the coffee to a table in the back corner of the café, Finn slowly stands up and pushes his chair back in.

“Thanks for the coffee, Maz,” he says. “I owe you one. I’ve gotta get back to my apartment before it starts snowing any harder, though. And don’t worry – I promise I’m going to call Rey when I get home. I don’t want you thinking I’m going to freeze to death.”

He nearly makes it to the door before suddenly Poe is next to him, not where he was two seconds ago, not where Finn needs him to be right now.

“Finn,” Poe says, and Finn finds himself continuing to regret ever saying anything about wanting to talk. He attempts to reach the door as if he’s heard nothing, but Poe won’t take that for an answer. He steps in front of him this time. _”Finn.”_

Finn takes a sip of his latté and puts on his best fake smile. “Excuse me,” he says, “but I’m trying to get home now. It’s snowy out there.”

“Finn, I know you don’t want to see me right now. But I want to talk.”

When Finn finally makes eye contact with Poe – pure accident, of course – he breaks. Something in Poe’s eyes looks genuine, guilty, soft. And maybe, just maybe, he looks a bit broken too. Reluctantly, Finn exhales and drops his act. “Fine,” he says. “But if we get snowed in and I almost die of hypothermia, I’ll sue you.”

They sit at the back table, where Poe’s jacket is now draped over his chair. For a while, they sit in silence and Finn refuses to look at the man across from him. His latté only lasts him so long, however, and soon, he has nothing else to take his attention away from Poe. He gives in and looks up at his ex.

“What do you want to talk about?”

Poe sighs and leans his face against his own hand. “You know what I want to talk about.”

“Not really. I mean, if you’re alluding to us breaking up, you seemed to be the one who made that decision if I remember correctly. I don’t know what needs to be talked about with me.”

“We never had a real conversation, Finn. And recently I’ve been thinking… maybe I regret it.”

Finn’s heart stops beating not in his chest but his throat. “It?” he manages to choke out.

“The… breakup.”

A deep inhale, then exhale. Inhale, exhale. Finn does his best to keep calm, but it’s hard when he feels his heart nearly trying to break his ribcage. “Well,” he leads, “I don’t know what you’re wanting to talk about specifically, but I can tell you right now what’s been going through my head for the past four months.”

Poe nods, a silent plea for Finn to say what he needs to.

“For starters, I hated you.”

That gets Poe’s attention for sure; makes his face go completely pale. Finn continues anyway.

“At least, I wanted to. But I couldn’t. Because despite you leaving me without an explanation, I couldn’t make myself stop loving you. I was fucking pissed, Poe, but I could never hate you. I loved you too much.” His fingers wrap around his empty coffee cup with a gradually tightening grip, but he forces himself to continue. This is his only chance. “I thought about it. A lot. I didn’t understand how you could do that to someone – to me. I didn’t know why I had to hurt so bad inside. I just wanted a reason. And I never got one. You just left.”

Poe’s breath falls from his mouth softly. “Finn, I – “

“I just want an explanation, Poe. That’s all I’ve wanted this whole time. Just… just, just help me understand why.”

A long pause follows Finn’s words, and if it weren’t for still seeing Poe in his peripheral, he might assume he just got up and left. Breaking the silence, however, is the sound of a plate shattering from behind the counter. Finn looks over to see Maz and Rose both staring wide-eyed in their direction before quickly shifting their focus to cleaning up the porcelain shards from the floor.

“I miss you,” Poe finally says. “And before you say I’m beating around the question, I’m not. I promise. But listen to me, Finn. I miss you.” He moves his coffee cup to the side so that nothing is between them anymore. “And, Finn, I love you.”

Again, Finn’s heart stops. Not because he’s upset, not because he’s happy, but because this is the first time Poe has said those words out loud.

“How do I know you’re not lying?”

“Lyi– Finn, I know I’ve been a fucking asshole, but I wouldn’t say those words insincerely.”

“We were together for three years and you never said it. And I was fine with that, I know, but it’s… why now? Why are you saying this now? After we’ve been apart for four months?”

“Because, Finn,” Poe says, running his fingers back through his hair. Finn tries not to watch in too much mesmerization as Poe’s dark hair springs back into place after being finger-combed. “That’s why I broke up with you.”

Finn doesn’t do anything except stare.

“Now, I know that doesn’t make any sense. But I - I was afraid of losing you.”

“That’s cliché.”

“But it’s _true.”_

Finn feels tears pricking at his eyes and tries to mentally scold himself out of crying. Of course that’s it. It makes sense. The freezing up each time Finn would say the words “I love you”, the nervous reluctance to open up about his nightmares, the fact that none of Poe’s friends could help Finn plan surprise birthday parties because no one knew him well enough. The fact that Poe’s friend Jessika told Finn she was shocked Poe had even agreed to be his boyfriend in the first place. Poe had always been closed off more than a twelve-year-old girl’s lock diary, and it made sense. They were both orphans, but Finn had experienced lesser amounts of trauma in relation than Poe did. They both had nightmares, but Poe’s always left him shaking beyond repair. Poe always wanted to make sure Finn was safe, that Finn was protected, that Finn was happy. He never let Finn do the same for him.

“I’m not saying you have to take me back. I’m not even saying you have to accept my apology. I just – I saw you walk in here, and I didn’t even want coffee today, but I knew this was my shot.”

“Why didn’t you ever call? Or text me?”

“I like things being a little more personal than that. Besides, you know I’m lousy with texting. Plus... I had to get a new phone after, uh, maybe downloading a virus onto it.”

Finn laughs a little, a gentle flutter in his chest. “Yeah. You’ve never been good at navigating your iPhone.”

There’s an air of softness between them now, one that neither of them quite expected. They both let themselves enjoy it, reveling in the serenity of the moment. Finn’s the one to break it first.

“I should probably really be getting home now, though,” he says. “I meant it when I said I don’t wanna die of hypothermia.”

“I think what you actually said is that you’d sue me,” Poe comments.

“Well, that too.”

“Here,” Poe says, getting up at the same rate as Finn. “Let me walk you home. It’s the least I can do after trapping you here.”

Finn wants to say no. He wants to leave this conversation at the fact that he’s gotten the simplistic answer he needed, to walk away feeling peaceful and with the hope that one day his love will finally fade. Instead, of course, he agrees.

Before leaving the café, Poe wraps his jacket around Finn’s shoulders. Rose pipes a cheerful “bye!” as they walk out, and something about this feels familiar. It’s like he’s in his first year of college again, going on a date with his newly committed boyfriend Poe, the hot, slightly older Poe with a new kitten at home and strong cravings for coffee on cold days. Instead, Finn’s being escorted by his now-reconciled ex-boyfriend Poe, with dark circles under his eyes and holes in his thirty-year-old jacket – a hand-me-down from his mother, of course – and the feeling that nothing makes sense but everything will turn out okay.

They kiss in front of Finn’s apartment, brief and awkward at first but quickly long and warm and so, _so_ good. When they finally break apart, Finn moves to give Poe his jacket back, but Poe stops him.

“Keep it,” he says. “I meant to give it to you a long time ago.”

Finn doesn’t protest. He puts his arms through the sleeves properly and smiles when he can still feel Poe’s warmth wrapping him up, making him light up like a ray of sun.

“Here,” Poe says, taking his phone out of his pocket. “New phone. I lost your number.”

“It’s just 555-2187,” Finn says. “Same as always.”

Poe types the number in quickly, then presses the home button. Before he can lock his phone, however, Finn catches a glimpse of his phone background: a photo of them together from just a year before, at a winter light show.

“What’s with that?” Finn asks, teasing.

“Oh, um… I don’t know how to change it. You made it that, remember? And I’m – “

“Bad with your iPhone, we know,” Finn laughs. “I’m honored that you didn’t just Google it.”

“Maybe I didn’t wanna get rid of it.”

“Hmm. Maybe.”

They both pull each other back into another kiss, Poe’s hands tightening around the lapels of his own jacket.

“I’ll call you tonight,” he whispers against Finn’s lips. “I promise.”

“Okay,” Finn says, stepping back to open up his door. “Oh, and Poe?”

“Yes?”

“I love you too. I always will.”

Poe smiles and closes his eyes for a second before walking away, his phone gripped tightly in his hand.

When Finn gets back inside, his apartment still smells like burnt coffee. This time, though, he’s anything but upset. He gets out his phone the first chance he gets and begins composing a new text for Rey.

_gay revelations everywhere, rey. and by the way, i’d like my coat back._

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> my tumblr is electrasweetheart i guess


End file.
